Crash Into Me
by caitlolz
Summary: Lucas Scott hasn't been the best version of himself in four years.
1. Chapter 1

**Crash Into Me**

The frigid winter air filtered through the comfortably heated home as he stepped inside the house he had called his home for the duration of his life. It smells like cinnamon and gingerbread for someone had been cooking while he was out shoveling the driveway. He sighed as he pulled off his hat running his fingers through the messy blond locks. His footsteps appeared to be slow and deliberate as if he were trying to slip in undetected. Those hopes were soon dashed as the wind slammed the front door behind him. His wife greeted with a ripe hello from the kitchen and he followed the same suit. Yet things never seemed to flourish in the house anymore. He paused before entering the kitchen feeling a sudden wave of apathy wash over him. In a black in white world he would sit down to dinner with his wife, talk about the joys of the holidays then casually sip wine as a nightcap until they retired for the evening. But this was not a black and white world. Shades of gray seemed more prominent lately.

They ate in silence which was a common practice recently. Rarely did they ever meet eyes at the table. It was a game of avoidance, a dance they had nailed down perfectly. When dinner was finished he placed his dishes in the sink, grabbed a bottle of scotch and retired to his study for the evening. Mrs. Lindsey Strauss-Scott was not at all fazed by her husband's behavior. She had long since grown used to his lengthy nights of writing. Loneliness was no longer a factor in her life, she would slip into a bed at an early hour after a glass of wine, listening, and hoping he would snuggle up next to her at a decent hour. Yet there was a clear and concise difference between wishing and the painful reality of it all. Of course he would not retire before midnight nor would he be any more affectionate towards her than he would a lion. No, tonight would be the same as many nights that proceeded it; alone, quiet, and apathetic. She would clutch the sheets close to her body feeling tears wet her pillow, run her mascara that she was too indolent to remove, thankful that the pillowcases were a deep blue, if that was the only thing she was thankful for.

In the late hours Lucas Scott remained awake, tipping the glass filled with scotch to his lips. He was never much of a drinker at least not in the early days of his marriage. Now he was bordering on alcoholic at the rate he consumed scotch. His fingers clicked effortlessly across the keyboard as his story was beginning to take shape. However, his writing had become complacent. Somewhat of a distraction from the fact that his marriage was crumbling and no one wanted to do anything about it. He tipped the bottle to his glass once more only to find it empty. A groan of frustration erupted from his throat and he merely tossed the bottle on to the carpet below.

Despite the chilling wind and below zero temperatures, he pulled on his jacket and hat and laced his shoes. A note or some indication that he was leaving might have been best, but they weren't speaking any more than short monotone sentences laced with apathy. Instead he began his slow procession to the liquor store, a route he could probably walk backwards with his eyes closed. There was no variant in the circuit. He walked with the same easy lope with his hands shoved deep within his pockets, blue eyes fixated upon the icy ground. People could usually identify his hunched figure when he walked, even this late into the night. Whispers circulated but he soon learned to fall deaf to them.

The familiar trill of the bell rang as he entered the twenty-four hour liquor store. The cashier looked up from his book giving a light flick of his head towards Lucas. He was a frequent customer as duly noted by Gil who worked the night shift. Truthfully, he felt sorry for Lucas. The story of Lucas Scott was legend and he was no stranger to that. His jaw was set in an assertive fashion as he paced easily towards the back of the store completely oblivious to that around him. He didn't even notice that he had brushed shoulders with another customer.

"Oh, excuse you." came the familiar rasp of a voice that belonged to none other than Brooke Davis. She was highly annoyed at his lack attentiveness. Yet, she soon came to the realization as to who the culprit was. "Oh Lucas, I didn't see you there."

He halted mid-stride upon hearing her voice. With a pivot he found himself face to face with the Brooke Davis. "Sorry." he mumbled like a child who had been reprimanded by their mother. It was almost an involuntary reaction something he had repeated to Lindsey on a number of occasions if only to ease the argument. His relationship with Brooke had become estranged over the five year course following his marriage. Destructiveness and the complete one eighty in his personality had been more than enough for the distance between them to lengthen among other issues.

"It's okay Luke." she replied softly placing her hand on his shoulder. She noted his rugged appearance. His face was in desperate need to be shaved, dark purple circles seemed to be permanently colored beneath his eyes, and tired lines had begun to set in his once youthful and fresh looking face. Sadness washed over her as she looked into his eyes. It was as if he had given up all hope on the world, he was not even clinging to shredded pieces anymore.

An awkward silence crept over the air between them when Lucas did not respond. Brooke wondered vaguely if he would ever recover from this or would his downward spiral lead him to something far worse. Though concerned, there was nothing she could do anymore. He had all but pushed everyone away. Even Haley and Nathan were struggling keep in close contact with him. "Well, I'll see you around Luke." she began to turn around then paused and turned back around to face him. "I miss you Lucas." then left without even purchasing anything.

If he could have produced a tear in that moment, he was certain one would have fallen. But it appeared he had long since shut down any of his rational human responses. He was far worse than a robot. Gil the cashier wished him a goodnight following his alcohol purchase and Lucas left without a backwards glance. Now ensued his trek home following the same footsteps he had taken here. He tried not to think much during his alone or quiet time for there were memories that would drive him to something far worse to alcoholism. With an elongated sigh he ventured up his porch steps. The house looked the same as ever much to his distaste.

Lindsey immediately woke as she heard the familiar slam of the door and his hesitant footsteps. She was thankful he made it home okay this time and she was not being called to pull him from a dumpster of the police station. With a heaved sigh she fell back into the pillows listening in desperation for his footsteps to approach their bedroom door. To no surprise they never did and faded off as he stepped into the carpeted study. She wondered vaguely what he was writing. It seemed like an eternity ago that she watched him so careful with the words he chose for his two previous novels. She missed the way he would pour over every sentence working the words to perfection for the full effect. Now she could barely watch as he typed carelessly and deleted more than he ever actually wrote. It was more than evident that his muse had left him once more or maybe he just did not care anymore. He even appeared uninterested with coaching the Ravens, something he had always been passionate about. It seemed almost surreal that four years ago she was in a completely happy marriage and now she is a marriage with no words or affection.

Lucas plopped down in his office chair spreading his fingers over the keyboard. Yet he could not tear his glance from the framed poster on his wall. It was the poster Lindsey had given him after the success of his first novel. It clawed and ripped at his chest as the wounds suddenly felt raw and not as though they had been healed over. Next to that was a framed poster of his second novel that had nearly tore his relationship with Lindsey apart. Some nights he wished it had.

He typed slowly, his fingers moving in a languid motion. When nothing worth writing came to him, his lips crashed against the bottle it was far easier than pouring it. He tried again to write, and still nothing. In turn, he again swallowed another mouthful scotch. Then he tried again and thus followed the same result. The pattern continued like this until his heavily lidded eyes began to droop closed.

Lindsey found him the next morning sprawled over his desk with the bottle tipped to his side leaking liquor. She merely closed the study door unable to bring herself to spare a second glance at his crumpled figure. Her heart no longer broke at the depressing sight. It certainly was not the first time she had found him like this, nor would it be last. She busied herself with housework, straightening up the house that was already spotless. Though pristine, she had to do this in order to occupy her mind.

Sometime around mid-afternoon he stumbled from his study, red in the face and bleary eyed. His destination was quite clear from the look upon his face, the bathroom. And when he did find it, the result was horrendous. He poured over the toilet bowl for the remainder of the afternoon and found himself asleep by five. This was common routine for him now. Denial. Who was he kidding anymore? No one cared about his books. No one cared that he and his wife had faked happiness throughout the duration of the holidays. No one cared simply because he did not care and he did not want others to care.

When he awoke from his latest nightmare he lay in bed for a long while staring blankly at the ceiling. Brooke's words seemed to hit him in all of the wrong places. He had not been "Lucas Scott" in a long time. That version of himself had long been left behind. Her words suddenly seemed to make sense. But how could he regain a part of himself that he had seemingly lost so long ago? His life was not black and white. His life was a languorous circle of gray.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter Two**

The school day had finished. Kids were starting to file out from their classrooms in a rush to return home or head out with some friends. Lindsey waited patiently for Haley outside, though not daring to venture any further. Lucas was inside, or so she hoped and any more contact with him would only lead to continued conflict at home. Slight talking was fine, but she would not be able to stand a completely silent marriage. She would even be happy if they were yelling at each other. At least then they would be fighting for their marriage. They were already passed the point of no return. Now it was a game of patience waiting for the latter to crack. However, that did not appear to be happening any time soon. They were both stubborn.

Haley finally emerged a few minutes later, looking as graceful as ever. She meant that sarcastically of course. The teacher mom was juggling several books and trying to adjust the shoulder strap of her bag. Lindsey met her halfway taking the books from Haley.

"Thank you." she managed to huff out between breaths graciously taking the books back from Lindsey. "How are you today?' she asked in serious tone knowing how estranged her marriage to Lucas had become

"Same as ever. He's stayed pent up in his study and I've avoided walking passed that door as much as I can." Tears began to pool behind her eyes at the sight of the weekend. He had fallen asleep hunched over the toilet bowl on a number of occasions throughout the weekend. Yet she could never bring herself to help him out of his vomit stained clothes and get him back into bed. "Did he even show up today?"

Haley nodded chewing on her lower lip as they got into her car and drove to get lunch. "Yeah he was there, looking as horrible as ever. I just don't know what to say to him anymore. He's not Lucas anymore." Haley's eyes dropped immediately. She missed her best friend.

"I know Haley. People think I'm crazy for holding on. But I have this hope that I'm going to see the same innocence in his blue eyes or I'm going to hear the same caring tone he had used with me. It's just become more and more difficult. Honestly I'm at ends at what to do now."

"I know Lindsey." she whispered patting her arm. Their friendship had grown stronger since the wedding, even more so now. They both had the same thing in common. The man they both loved was heading down a path that strained the two of then. They spent many a night crying with each other mourning the loss of Lucas Scott. It was too much to see this stranger take over his body. "I wish he understood how much he was hurting everyone. But even then I don't think that would help."

Lindsey nodded, "He doesn't even react like a person. He doesn't cry, he doesn't even show emotion. It's like it's permanently been sucked from him. It doesn't even feel like I'm married anymore." She spent most days now reminiscing over how beautiful the first year of their marriage had been. All she wanted to do was pretend the last four years were a horrible nightmare.

"You're going to get through this. You are a strong, independent woman. Lucas doesn't define who you are or your accomplishments. He would be nowhere if it wasn't for you. Just remember that." Haley said sternly keeping her eyes fixated on the road. She had never been so infuriated with Lucas before. But she was all but passed that now. Far too much time had passed for her to even be disappointed anymore. She lived her life normally. Lucas just seemed to be a nagging wall in her brain now.

"Thanks Hales." she murmured.

Lucas was never brought up in their conversation again. They ate lunch laughing and talking about anything came to mind. Friendship with Haley just seemed so natural. It was her escape from the realities in her world that weighed her down. Spending time with Haley allowed her to think clearly and forget her troubles at home. Without Haley she would probably remain locked in the bedroom crying. Haley was her sun, much like Lucas had been. They shopped and picked out new outfits for Jamie. The boy was growing at such an alarming rate he soon outgrew most of his clothes from last year. Lindsey was more than upset when the alone time had to end.

Mr. Lucas Scott had darted from school immediately after basketball practice. He actually did not even run it anymore. It didn't even feel like his team. Skillz and Nathan had all but retained responsibility. He just had to make an appearance and yell sometimes. Even then the attempt was weak. He left practice in haste. He only had one destination in mind tonight.

Eventually, he made his way to Tric flashing his i.d. though with his beard he looked far older than twenty-seven. He found his usual seat at the bar and Owen eyed him suspiciously. "Tequila." he ordered in a detached voice.

Owen said not a word and poured the shot leaving him to do as he pleased. Lucas downed the shot then five others following that. He then proceeded to order bourbon, tipping the glass to lips. He was drowning in his own sorrows and the alcohol only seemed to be an anchor in the process. His glassy eyes flicked over to the women at the opposite side of the bar. They all looked the same to him now: an easy lay. The woman who he was staring at met his stare. She flashed a seductive smile. The exact reaction Lucas had been hoping for. She made her way towards him taking a seat next to Lucas where so many girls had sat previously.

"What are you drinking?" he asked gruffly inclining his head towards her nearly empty glass.

"Gin and tonic." she answered airily drumming her fingers lightly against the bar. Lucas made eyes with Owen and jerked his head towards her cup. Owen obeyed with a roll of his eyes. He knew all of Lucas' tricks.

"Thanks." she grinned tipping the glass to her lips.

Lucas nodded and watched her down her drink quickly. The glass clinked carelessly upon the bar. Her hands found his face and their eyes locked. Within seconds their lips were locked and tongues shoved down the opposite's throat. They probably looked like porn stars at the present moment, but Lucas was not one to care. He groaned hungrily into her mouth urging her towards the door. Her fingers entwined in the short tresses of his sandy blond hair. She was more than willing as he led her from the bar entwining their fingers as they made their way outside. They very nearly got busy on top of the car as their lips were eager to meet at any moment. Yet anticipation was better than sex. Lucas would laugh at that. Sex was better than anticipation he would argue. However, he never had wait at any point in his life. Now women just seemed to fall over him with one seductive look. The deal was only furthered sealed when their lips touched in an intoxicated kiss. He never asked for names, as if he would remember. It was easier that way, identities completely hidden. He knew how easily the tables could turn if he accidentally said the wrong name. Honestly though, he was under the impression he was invincible, no girl could resist his charm. Maybe he was a cocky son of a bitch, but after four years of living this façade it had all but taken over his body. He an ass of a man, a womanizer by anyone's standards but naturally Lucas had stopped caring about that long ago.

After their show of P.D.A. in the parking lot he found himself situated next to a girl whose name he did not know in the car. The wait was agonizing. All he could picture was her on his bed naked moaning his name. She only furthered his agitation as her hand deviously reached between his legs to grope while he drove. With a sharp intake of breath he gnashed his teeth together trying to focus solely on the road but his mind was elsewhere. His knuckles were white while she continued his special attention and he had the wheel in a death grip. Given the roads were an icy mess, he very nearly lost control several times and ordered the woman to stop or she would get them both killed. She shied away from him at first, but found his aggression an immediate turn on. She sat beside him quietly allowing her fingers to dance along his forearm her lips at his ear nibbling at his lobe.

Finally, they arrived at his humble abode. The lights were off which he noted as a good thing. That meant Lindsey was still with Haley or something along those lines. He could still recall that embarrassing night when he brought a girl home with Lindsey in the kitchen sipping wine. Like most things though, it did not provoke a fight. They were passed hateful words and fighting for their marriage. They stayed together out of its convenience.

"This is nice." the woman murmured as he unlocked the door and lead her inside. He turned to face her and their lips crashed instantly. Suddenly hands seemed to grope for any part of bare skin while trying to get out clothing as quickly as possible. Shoes kicked angrily against the wall, belt buckles hit the floor with a clunk. His shirt was untucked and unbuttoned in a matter of seconds. She lost her top and her bottoms then proceeded to worm Lucas out of his pants leaving him in only his boxers. There was no question to their destination for they left a trail of clothes and destruction in their wake.

It took only a matter of seconds for Lucas to coax her down on to his bed and he whispered sweet nothings in her ear. She fell to pieces almost instantly allowing Lucas easy entry. She moaned his name in such ecstasy and Lucas claimed victory for yet another night. It was all too easy now. Hardly even a game for him.

—

Lindsey arrived home later than she had expected to that night. Haley had insisted they stop for drinks at a bar downtown. Much obliged Lindsey joined her and the two ended up losing track of time. It was not until a phone call from Nathan wondering where Haley was, did it prompt the girls to finish their drinks and head home. Lindsey pulled into the driveway shortly after Lucas did. His car was still warm from the engine. She glanced into the home through the window and saw his silhouette in the light. She very nearly cracked a saddened smile though she knew he was not alone. She watched them dance and remove articles of clothing as if it was a race for completion. She watched them stumble into their bedroom and waited for the light to click off. A single tear rolled from her cheek wishing she could be naïve to the whole situation.

Silently, she reached into her pocket and pulled out her phone and dialed Haley's number. She picked up on the second ring and answered with a worried 'hello'.

"No, everything's fine. Or it's not. I don't know anymore. I was just wondering if I could stay with you and Nathan tonight?...Thanks." Then she hung up the phone returned to her car and drove to Haley's wishing she could just forget everything she had witnessed.

* * *

**So I reposted the first two chapters. I've been working away at this story for months now. Hopefully you'll get an update before I scamper off to college. Sorry loves.  
**


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